It's about 17:00 hours - Sat, Apr 26, 2008 - and Power Station Beach is throbbing with anticipation as BastardStock prepares to kick out the jams. There seem to be about 200+ people here for the long-awaited Bastards reunion.

The plan is to celebrate Dan's 60th birthday with the release of The Bastards 2nd CD after a mere decade of relentless inactivity. He's rounded up all of the original band and a couple of members of successive incarnations and the offshoot group, The Bangkok Bastards.

They'll be joined in keeping the local vibe alive by Transnoodle and The Curs. Jilted John is handling the DJ links. Rob, the producer/ engineer of both CD's has brought over the drum kit, amps, monitors and the mixing board. The stage was constructed by Sean and his crew. Parksy, as usual, has provided all the gear for the after-party. The audience is spread out in a wide arc about 50 feet from the stage. The usual weekend volleyball tournament is underway by the rocks near the Power Station. Everyone's ready to rock, except Dan is missing...

A fact that becomes apparent as Transnoodle take the stage and begin chanting "Dan the Bastard, where are you?" This segues into "Happy Birthday" with most of the crowd not singing along and mutates into the first song, an anti-war ditty whose title is unknown.

Transnoodle are a quartet today. There's John on guitar/vox. Kevin on bass. Magnus has the drum stool. Sara, who joined the band late last year, is on sax. Josh, the main singer, is absent on other business.

As John says, "Josh is missing. We really need him for the between song patter." I haven't seen them play for about a year and they are really tight. A bit more punk/ska. Not so much of the reggae feeling today. Rob has kept the mixing board more or less in neutral. Just a bit of echo sax and vocals fed back to the on stage monitors. He's resisting the temptation to go all Trevor Horn or Lee Perry on the controls.

The set is varied. Good topics too. Anti-war, Mormonism, a plug for the Chinese Communist Party (?), a concrete harbour, a nudge nudge sly wink to Edison Chan's photography skills and a rewrite of Jacques Brel. John slips a verse of "Help" into the 2nd tune (Mormons, hormones and morons). The next tune is "The Journey". It's about CIA kidnappings and the War on Terror. Life under Bush Reich. Hard-hitting prose and lyrical density worthy of early Tom Waits. Musically its like The Mustaphas Three meet Morphine with some Ruts DC sax on top.

Vocally, John is a bit like Hammell on Trial. The Brel song "Port of Amsterdam" is rewritten as a morality tale set in Coloane, Macao. It's Transnoodle's Meat Loaf moment. "Bury the Harbour" has a lolloping sea-shanty vibe, counter-pointed by sad sax. "Down in the Deli" is the usual punky rendition of a lot of people bellowing in drunken glee late at night in the Deli Lamma. Always a favourite...

Rob has a video camera running front-and-centre of the stage. All part of the upcoming documentary. The band all say hi to Dan and "lalalalalala" through another birthday greeting before departing the stage to warm applause. John's on the decks and kicks off with a cracking electro remix of Tina Turner doing "Whole Lotta Love". Other highlights over the next 40 minutes include Cal Tjader's vibraphone version of "Gimme Shelter" a dubbytronix mix of "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak and a Pulaski(?) remix of a mad choir of voices doing a loungecore/Weimar Republic cabaret version of "1999" by Prince.

At one point, a couple of Bastards are sound- checking and their music intermeshes and weaves in and out of John's mix. Can't tell which is which. Is it real or is it Memorex? At this point in my notebook, Dave Spicer wants everyone to know he's "back from the dead." Ask him yourself how he did it. He was last seen on the big log in front of the stage with Dick(Stock) Jones and Bob Davis.

It's 19:00 hours and The Bastards (current edition) are on stage, still a bit worse for wear from their Friday night gig at The Wanch.

I'm reliably informed that you couldn't have squeezed any more people into the bar if you sliced and diced them with a chainsaw and pumped them through a high pressure hose. The street outside was packed 8 deep as well. Vince has posted two songs from The Wanch show, including "Life Is A Bitch" on YouTube.

Now cue original drummer and M/C, Nigel Pike: "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. The Bastards formed 18 years ago in Wanchai. New CD is 'Scheming In The Back Room.' There are Bastards from Australia and Thailand here tonight".

Anyway, a big hand for The Bastards who are Dan on lead vox. Dave on bass. Mark (usually lead guitar, but he can't bend his elbow much so he's) on muted second guitar. Jim on main guitar. Tony on drums. Dan's voice is a little raw, but he leads the band through a crackling version of "Livewire" by AC/DC. The next tune is still a hard rocker, but turned down a notch or two. It's "Soaked" from the new CD, as is the 3rd song "Kublai's Lament". I know I'm having fun as my writing has gone beyond illegible, but I think that's it. If it's on the record, it sort of sounds like the opening to "I Can't Explain" by The Who.

Dave takes over on lead vox for a couple of tunes and his singing draws appreciation from John. Especially the first tune which is almost folk-rock. The big money song comes next. "Here We Go Again" which Dan tells me is the ideal tune to play over the end of a big disaster movie. You know, asteroid impact in the ocean. Huge tidal wave of icebergs overturns the Titanic and the Poseidon and either Godzilla or Jaws eat the survivors who don't make it into a lifeboat.

The boat contains a ticking nuke, Nazi werewolves, the Olympic Torch Relay, a bloodthirsty space carrot, some trans- sexual Transylvanians and a choir of overrated divas, trilling in tuneless terror. Texas Bush soon floats by on a polar bear, saying "Hang On. I've got an idea!"

Cue, swelling chorus of "Here we go again..." and "The Oscar goes to..." Dan didn't actually say that, but I'm sure that's what he really meant. There's a song about a nameless former Lamma resident. Dan will probably say who if you buy him (and the band) a brewery.

Dave is back for another vocal turn. Introduced as "Dr. Green in yellow singing Red, Red, Red". A sort of slow Pretty Things type of tune with heavy drumbeats. A splendid cover of "Hey Joe" (the Jimi version, rather than Tim Rose). Jim uncorks some scintillating solos.

He's done well enough to make you forget that Mark can't contribute as much as he would like to. Final song "Natalie" is on the CD which is on sale through Genghis in The Bastards corporate craic tent. Copies, and multi-coloured t-shirts, are also available at Lamma Gourmet.

John has started his second set. I'm not paying much attention as I'm getting easily distracted, amused and entertained (wow, a wave!).

Swig some more sangria. Groove to more Pulaski and a band called Ting Tings(?). It's suddenly dark and 20:15 as the Curs amble on. There is new boy Tom, making his debut on bottleneck/slide guitar. Tony has had a quick drink and resumed duties as guest drummer. GARETH is on bass.

And of course, you know the others so well I don't need to mention them. Right? Oh, OK then. The co leaders are of course Slinky Joe Hotone on tremulous mouth organ and throbbing guitar. The Good Father Harvey Ballwanger soothing and saving all you Satanists with his soulful sonic scriptures and sophisticated 2nd guitar strummage.

There's Orville The Bald with his haunting accordion melodies.

Unfortunately, other guitarist Frankie McJock and Derek the Fiddler are AWOL indefinitely.

Opening tune is "Hear My Train A' Coming" which grooves into The Curs rendition of The Fish Cheer. "Gimme an ess, gimme an eye, gimme an ex"... tumbles into mumbles, bad spelling etc until the message is deciphered. "Sixty Years Old. Dan you Bastard!" The boys appear to be more musically than alcoholically tight tonight. Fine versions of "Rootie Tootie" by Hank Williams, something about going "Down to the river to watch the fish swim by..." with amusing yodeling by Mr. Hotone. Quick segue into "A Boy Named Sue" by Johnny Cash. I'm about 8 feet away from stage right and I think Tom needs to sound louder.

There are some splendid slide guitar runs, but they're nearly inaudible. GARETH is having fun. Is he used to playing with a real drummer? Is that what prompted an aside from Harvey that "...when we have a drummer, it's useful to follow him"? There are calls for D the B to come on stage. A shout of "has he found what he's looking for?" merges into some soppy U2 song. The next number is by "the fat guy and the skinny guy. Sing along". The song leads into a fairly straightforward cover (by Curs' standards) of "The Trail Of The Lonesome Pine". Always a blast from the past.

Kelly has been bopping about in an attempt to get some mass dancing. Mari has finally arrived and joins her briefly before spotting me, prone before the stage. Most of the crowd are standing just outside the arc of light. Welcome to Night Of The Living Bastardheads! The Good Father is blessed. He's "seen the light" In fact, he's singing about the experience while bathed in a sweaty glow and optional mosquitoes.

Orville is giving it lots of swirl in the background, A tent revival meeting soundtracked by a gypsy wedding as arranged by Astor Piazzolla. Dan has been Saved (from some other excess perhaps) and dragged on stage to sing "The Young Ones". The joy was more in the performance than in the actual singing, but no one seems to be grudgy about Dan's crusty-rough performance.

An earlier evolution of The Bastards is on the stage. Nigel, aka Pikey, is the first drummer. He looks like some Japanese manga cartoon character come to life with his huge fly-eye style circular brownish shades which seem to be spot flesh-welded to his forehead.

Davey of the Orange Hair plays lead guitar. Brendan plays bass at some point before switching to drums. Bangkok Bastard Alf takes a turn on lead guitar duties and occasional vocals. Dan is there for a few more tunes, including "White Riot" by The Clash and a partial stumble through "Babylon's Burning" by The Ruts. There's a rampaging cover of "Rocking In The Free World" by Neil Young. There are also grimy workouts on "Welcome To The Royal", "Pressure In The City" and "Life Is A Bitch" from The Bastards' 1st CD.

Alf chips in with a splenetic version of "American Idiot" while Brendan and Davey take no prisoners on "Enter Sandman" by Metallica.

At least 2 false endings. Good handling of the loud/QUIET/loud dynamics and some heroic rock postures with head down hair shaking boogie abandonment. Dave, the original bassist chips in with "Highway Star" by Deep Purple. There's also a fiery "Foxy Lady" which draws applause.

Quite a few more people are dancing, including the ever-reliable Tamara and her omni-present dreads. Pikey thanks everyone and concludes by singing the final number. It's a brutal, battered heartfelt carousel through "My Way". It makes the Sid Vicious version sound like a bad panto lounge lizard crooning a lullaby. Everyone comes together at the end to sing a rousing "Happy Birthday" to Dan who replies that "I've had a bloody good evening, but IT'S OVER". And it is, as far as the live music goes.

The after-party gets underway as soon as the equipment is moved nearer the volleyball area. Meanwhile, the stage is dissembled and all the equipment packed up ready to return to HK. I managed to get my dogs, Jack and Xena, home. Without walking into any trees this time.

Thanks everyone for a Top Night. And Happy 60th Birthday, Dan. Looking forward to the next CD "sometime in 2020"...